CVP 3/2/14: "Crowd was dead, I felt comfortable"

LATE UPDATE AGAIN! (I am reliable!)

Sunday at Charles Village Pub was the first time I had done comedy in over a week after a less than stellar excursion at Sidebar.

The crowd was mainly comics and a few drinkers, I assume because there were warnings of a massive snow storm that would strike us at midnight. The only heckler left after Luke Marshall's bit about Baltimore's Holocaust Memorial. As she left, she let Justin Hancock know that as a German she doesn't find Holocaust jokes funny and that he should let Luke know.

I know we all make mistakes and don't like to be reminded of that fact, but c'mon. Sometimes you just have to admit "my bad" and try not to repeat them, German Girl. By the way, your American accent was very convincing.

Since my last set was dying on stage and trying to get a reaction of any kind; my focus this time was to not freak and be as calm as possible on the stage. Besides not really having any material worth talking about, I feel confidence on stage is my biggest weakness. That and not being funny.

Before my set I went to the bathroom and was walking to the sink to wash my hands when a guy entered the room. He looked at me and assumed that I was going to just walk past the sink and off on my merry way, so he held the door for me.

And that's how I opened my set, that despite that I've trimmed my hair to look less like a derelict, people still assume that I have no personal hygiene.

My next bit was about how my cat gets better health care service than I do. Several parts got laughs and I think it has some legs, I look forward to streamlining it out.

To close out I did two of what I consider my A material and they did well, Justin said later he really enjoys the Happy Harbor bit which is pretty cool. I like Justin's brand of silly/gross/self degrading humor so it's nice to hear he likes a bit of mine. In the end, I sounded pretty good on stage and I consider it a success.

Chris Colletti told me about his experiences doing the New Comedian contest at Magooby's and the story of his biggest bomb on that stage while doing a guest spot. If you're a comic and don't know what I'm talking about, you really need to ask him about it the next time you see him.

Future goals are to do Jon Yeager's Friday open mic Friday at Benny's Bar & Grill in Potomac and try to get to Ryan Neser & Tok Moffat's open mic Tuesday in Frederick.

Here is a picture of a duck:

Thank you.

Sidebar: Omar's last night and the crowd mourned.

I'm dreading this one.

Seriously, I'm going to need some seriously upbeat music to trudge through this recap.. hold on a sec..

There we go.

If you see a commercial before that starts, I wonder if it's going to have the guy with the long beard in it. He's been in all the ads lately.

Right.

So Monday at Sidebar was weird. It started off decently, but after seven or so comics the crowd just stopped caring. It wasn't straight out heckling or anything. There was definitely some side conversations as it seemed people were more interested in talking to each other than pay attention to who was up on stage; but that seemed mainly focused in the back alcove.

But even then, it wasn't like they were over whelming the audio, it was just like speaking to a brick wall.

A brick wall that mainly laughed at video game references, comics expressing regret that their jokes weren't going over well that night and little else.

Let's back up a little bit. I'm making the night sound bad, but it wasn't a total wash. I commuted for the first time with other comedians (Joe Greenway and Chris Colletti) and got to talk shop. It's reassuring to hear other people voice the same concerns and dreams as you, makes you feel less insane for wanting to get up in front of a crowd and try to make them laugh.

As we all slowly funneled ourselves onto the stage and then off it to retreat to our compatriots and discuss our feelings on what just transpired; I realized while my anticipation was rising, my fear was not. That was pretty uplifting. I was comfortable on that stage, in front of these people.

I began my set by giving Luke Marshall a shoulder massage while he awkwardly introduced me. Kathy Carson shouted at him to relax and let it happen. The crowd was laughing and I tried to amp it up higher by channeling energy straight into the mass of humanity in front of me.

They weren't buying what I was selling.

I didn't feel it was fake energy.. listening to it, I feel like I sound genuine. By the way, this is excruciating to listen to. I've had to pause four times so far and I'm only two minutes into a four minute recording. And besides my own voice, all that you can hear is silence from the crowd. The only laughs are from the intro and the reference to video games.

Attempts at telling jokes are abandoned about halfway and I tell them about Twitch Plays Pokemon, which they approve of. I then express sadness at Omar Shaukat's impending move to NYC but I think he was outside smoking. (Good luck again, buddy!)

The light is given. Luke Marshall comes to announce the next comic. I remove my shirt.

Pandemonium results.

The people did not want comedy this night. No, they wanted nipples with eyebrows.

So in the end, what did I learn?

Beats me.

Nice farmer's tan, you cracker.

CMF@CVP: Recording entitled "Am I talking too fast?"

Last night at CVP was a good one. A crowd primarily made of comics but the room was full. Now that I think about it, I should probably take photos of these places. A little visual aid, if you will.

The crowd was discerning, I felt. They weren't giving out free laughs, you had to work for it but if you had something good they definitely rewarded you. A lady in front of me had the best laugh and you know someone struck gold when she would clasp her hand to her mouth and moan "OH LAWD!"

When you can make a person react like that, it's got to feel amazing.

A lot of people signed up so it was 3 minutes per comic and as a result I focused on trying out a few new bits: Moob fight, Italian restaurant and Flower delivery. I think they did good for the most part, but afterwards I was wondering if I spoke too fast. The finish of Italian restaurant didn't have the heft that it did the first time I tried it and I'm wondering if it was because the speed was too much and I lost the crowd or the finish is too easy to see coming.

Moob fight is becoming a favorite and looking back on it, I think it'll segue easily into my wasted youth bit. I really enjoy it but I'm betting it would only work on a  younger crowd, I don't know how many people over the age of 40 would understand a Street Fighter / Dhalsim reference.

That is the face of comedy, people. Get with it.

My biggest problem lately is when I run out of the stuff I'm focused on for the set, I just stand on stage and wrack my brain for anything and just grind the show to a halt. I need to stick something in the back pocket, a simple bit that's killer and not bigger than a minute. That is my next goal.

Special thanks to Color Me Funny's Joe Greenway, Justin Hancock and Thezz Grimes for the fun times!

CMF@CVP & Sidebar: The Manic/Depressive world of Open Mic Comedy

It's hard to write a recap of your set when you get home after midnight, so here we go.

Sunday: Color Me Funny's open mic at Charles Village Pub - Towson:

For the last few weeks there has been a decent crowd at CVP, I'm guessing left over from people watching the final games of the football season. This weekend it was just us comics and while I knew most of them, I felt really separate. I wanted to talk to people, but I just couldn't seem to connect with others. It was really awkward.

I tried out a new bit about about my household financial situation which I was uncomfortable doing because it could come off as bragging or possibly bring unwanted attention to myself. For me the funny aspect of it was finding out how well you're doing when everyday you're worried about being one step from sleeping on a curb.

It didn't go over well, until I really started pouring energy into it. Legitimately expressing my confusion and self-loathing at the situation. The comics seem to respond well to it, so that was nice.

Monday: Sidebar open mic - Baltimore:

And then for whatever reason I was OK at Sidebar! I was able to relax and have really great conversations with Valance Michael, Stavros Halkias, Umar Khan, Ryan Nesser, Leeland Clayton and a special shout out to my fellow "Garbage Time Warrior" Chris Hudson! I really felt like a part of the scene and not just some creepy guy standing next to the wall. I got my first "I'm looking forward to your stuff" from Ronald James.. which is the nicest thing some one's ever said to me that wasn't related to me or married to me. Everyone had some great stuff even if there was talker during the majority of the show.

That kind of behavior mystifies me, especially since my behavior most of the time can be compared to a beaten child. Don't call attention to yourself, stay to the side, observe everything quietly and be prepared to run at a seconds notice. But this girl kept talking after being shushed and asked to be quiet numerous times and STILL KEPT TALKING. Eventually Kathy Carson shouted at her to shut up during her set and the entire room broke out in applause. It worked for like, a minute. When she finally left it was in an indignant huff, like we were the ones who were raised in a barn. Amazing.

The financial situation bit out was tried again, and it didn't do so great. I don't think it's worth the potential drama it could bring, so I'm shelving it for now. But I did have a great off the cuff bit about fights inspired by the guy that was with the talker. I also tried out a bit regarding a story about an ex and an Italian restaurant that became a bane to her existance but modified it to involve myself and my wife. It went over really well, but later discussing it with the spouse she didn't like it being attributed to her or the negativeness of the story.

I like the way I told it because it's easily explained. If I have to add in words to explain the relationships of the actual people involved with the situation, that's more time for an audience member to get bored and lose interest. I'll tweek it and see if I can get some mileage out of it.

Big thanks to the Color Me Funny guys, Luke Marshall and Omar Shaukat for running these rooms and giving me a place to express stupid thoughts!

In which I explain myself / my stand up debut

Buddy Hackett gave the following advice to young comedians -

“Only take advice from those who have walked the final and most important 30 feet from backstage to alone in front of a mic with nowhere to hide. Then, and only then, will you know the advice comes from reality and not theory. They’ll understand the emotions, the work it takes to get it right. They’ll have made the mistakes and created the laughs, not just read about how to do it.”


I want to be a stand up comedian.

People have, as long as I can remember, told me that I should become one. Friends, family, coworkers and customers. And I've often daydreamed about the stage, the lights and the crowd. But like most, the very idea of actually standing alone and defenseless in front of a group of strangers scared me and kept me from even giving it a try. Until a friend of mine began preforming in the Baltimore area; and this amazed me. I knew this person! They were on stage! How did they do it? Wasn't he terrified?

I picked his brain for several months trying to discover the answers to these questions and from these conversations decided that I had to give it a try. To see if I could do what I had considered impossible for years. He recommended trying T Brad Hudson's open mic: Drink Till We're Funny.

It's located in Timonium at Hightopp's Backstage Grill and T Brad is a class act who doesn't tolerate hecklers. This doesn't mean it's easy however, I had attended twice before and I got the vibe that the audience is almost daring you to make them laugh. I read the new comic FAQ and sent an email expressing my interest.

And on April 22, 2012, I attempted my first open mic. The following video is not work safe and most likely not family safe either; you have been warned.

The night didn't start off too promising; there had been a couple of no shows and it was raining hard. T Brad wanted to give it some time to see if any more stragglers would be coming through the door. Finally at around 9:30, the show began.

I was the sacrificial lamb, and I can honestly say I didn't have a strong opening but was able to find a groove when I started my "neighbor sex" bit. As you can see in the video I had to shake off some nervous energy first thing, lost my flow several times and seemed nervous and rushed. But I felt that I had done relatively well. I hadn't totally lost the crowd or my train of thought. I could do this!

And that brings us to the point of this inaugural blog: I want to share my experiences on this journey. Baltimore isn't known for it's comedy scene and yet many have come from this area. As I find my way, I want to share what I've learned. Where I've preformed and who I've worked with. How I got my spots and what you could expect if you choose to walk the path of the stand up comic. It will also help me to keep myself focused, as I plan to update weekly and being held accountable for a lack of updates will shame me into working harder.